Freaking out...

So anyone who knows me knows that I hate surprises.
I mean the idea of being surprised is nice but the whole waiting thing and not knowing..
drives me nuts.
Yes yet again another post about getting engaged.
It is so annoying it is constantly on my mind and I cannot seem to get away from it.
Seriously.
I am so nervous as to what Tim picked out and what will look good on me.
If it is too thick it can be uncomfortable
I would know from experience and it will be something that I will be wearing forever
UGH
I just cannot take it.
:(

Looking Up

So I am almost done with my last essay of the semester,
I literally cannot even put how happy I am into words.
I mean I still have tests, finals and one presentation lurking over my head but essays almost done.
So I have been fighting with Tim often about chores and whatnot it is really getting quite old.
He starts his new job on Monday well tomorrow, so yay!
I am just so ready for everything to be over with and to be able to get my tree and just
Christmas!!
Then we have our trip to Florida the beginning of the year, that should be a good start to 2015
and his new job was cool with him leaving he just won't get paid.
Oh and my dad took the rent down $100 for us since his new job pays a little less so that is great!
I just feel like things are a little better today then yesterday and that is a really nice feeling
:) 

A Light at the end of the Tunnel...Finally!

So I only have about a week and a half left of school which all consist of presentations and tests.
UGH
but only less then two weeks!
Thank god.
Oh and Tim landed another job which he starts on Monday also..
Thank god!
I mean he was cutting it a bit close but there was nothing he could do about it, but he got something!
In his field too which is great!
I have a paper to rewrite because I failed it and I am just stressed over presentations
I hate them so much.
He and I decorated a bit for Christmas I cannot wait to get my tree and just be in the Christmas spirit and not have to worry about school!
His job was also fine with the Florida trip so we are still off to Orlando in January whoop!
well I  just wanted to check in hopefully I don't die with all the assignments and will be back before Christmas!
:)

Getting Married..

There are soo many people from my highschool now engaged to be married...
after only dating for two years or less.
I mean sure I am happy for them, they found The One and that is sooo exciting!
But two years?
To me that is nowhere near long enough to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with that person..
older people, yeah.
They know exactly what they can handle, what traits they like and dislike
but as a teen or early 20 year old
two years is just not long enough.
The first year is like a honeymoon stage,
the second you begin to have your issues
and then on you learn to work things out and how to deal with things that bother you about that person.
Being with my boyfriend for almost seven years, when we were together two years..that would have be a huge NO.
First off I was super young
but secondly I didn't know the guy inside and out, what makes him blow up, what can calm him down, his deepest secrets, it takes time to really get to that point where you know 100% this is who I want for the rest of my life.
I think what people fail to realize is that love is not about you, it's about that other person.
What you both can compromise to help the other and what needs of theirs do you put above your own.
I am not an expert on love or relationships, I just have been through it and know that people are not as easy to figure out as some may think.
That's great if you found the one and you feel completely comfortable, I would just say take it easy, learn their character and know who you are falling for.
My boyfriend is not perfect and I am nowhere near,
but we have found a way that works for us for years,
and I wouldn't have it any other way!

The Monotonous Way I Live

I swear I will never Ever know how it feels to get up, eat breakfast, take a shower in the morning and just have enough time to basically do anything.
UGH
I constantly, throughout my whole school career get up like 10 Maybee 15 minutes before I need to be
Out the door.
Yeah, it's an issue.
I take a shower at night so then I have wet hair, I bring some crappy lunch, my books are a mess.
I just don't know how to change it.
I mean Sure:
Get Up Earlier
I just can't!
I get up early to begin with, around like 6:45-7:00 everyday.
I just want to be able to lay in bed and relax and have time to basically do nothing,
but I never do.
Things have really changed living with my boyfriend.
Since we do share a room I can't stay up super late watching youtube out loud on my ipod before I sleep, which I guess is good or else I would be up until I had to Get up.
but then I like never watch the people I used to, never listen to music
I just don't get the chance to do the things I used to really enjoy, but I am having more time with him.
I just really need to get this under control soon!

Job Issues

SO
yeah Tim and I have been having some issues in the job department.
He is getting laid off because they are shutting down his department
there are openings but they are in different states and he doesn't want to transfer to a different state and I don't blame him.
I mean I have ties here and he has me and his dad here so I know he would not want to move
especially since we both just moved not even a month ago.
I mean I don't know what to say anymore,
I just feel so bad for him!
This was his dream job, the company he has been wanting to work for and after he got hired the company he kept saying he would be working for in the future and moving up in
UGH why do these things seem to keep happening to him?

Unpacking

Oh My God.
It is seriously the worst!
It takes so much time and effort I like literally can not get over it.
I have been wanting to unpack my clothes for so long now and tonight I started it,
big mistake because now it is late and I am so done.
Plus I have a Very limited amount of closet space so yeah..
It is so crazy trying to fit everything in the way that I wanted to,
It is just not going to happen I swear.
I mean tim gets a MAX of four drawers,
sorrry!
oh well haha
I have a lot more clothes and need a lot more space!
well that's about it for tonight.
:P

My New Computer!

Hey!
So i am FINALLY writing to you on my very own computer!
about damn time I know!
So my brother's friend builds computers for a living so when he heard that I was on my way out the door to go buy one from best buy he was like uhh no I'll just pick out the parts and write it for you!
This is just awesome to know that it is mine and it works!!
Whoop haha
So I am just adding all of my short cuts and making sure i am all signed in for everything, ugh love it!
I also cleaned up a little and my dad helped me hang some more pictures and what not in the apartment.
Tim had one of his friends over which was also really nice since he hasn't seen him in close to a year.
I am just so trilled that everything is finally coming together and it all looks great!
<3
Really a huge thank you to everyone who has helped me out and yeah
just so happy!
I cannot wait until next weekend when tim and i finally have our living room chiars
and then it will be crunch time to finally finish everything and be able to invite people over!
And maybe now that I have somewhere to type I will actually be updating this more!
whoop
^-^

Moved Finally

So yeah everytime that I blog two days in a row then I don't for like months right?
Serioulsy I just cannot keep up
SO
we moved!
Me and Tim have our own apartment i cannot believe it!
The only thing is he's been in a shitty mood ever since we moved, so what was teh point of moving?
ugh it's just all so frustrating.
I love the apartment though it is so cute and homey and I just love it!
There is still so much to do but it is getting there
the colors look amazing, I just love everything about it
Tim and I do share a room now which is awesome
but we are so tired by the time we go to sleep we just roll over and are knocked out
Maybe that will change once the damn semester ends
we haven't started cooking yet just us all the time but eventually we will.
We keep eating upstairs with them
I mean it's nice but at the same time not really, they eat sooo late I can't stand it.
When we eat with them it's like 9:30-10:00
which is insane
I feel like 6:00 is the perfect time to eat a meal
but whenever I start to cook that will be the time I do it.
I have class at 3-4:30 ugh
And it's so boring sadly. well anyway that's really it.
:]

In my college library

so basically I am just wowed that i was even able to write two days in a row, that is crazy!
I just did some of my work for my group dynamics class later today,
I cannot bring myself to do it the night before it is just insane.
I know that once I have an actual computer and a desk to sit at when I move that will all change
and if it doesn't on it's own I will make it happen because I cannot deal with this anymore. 
I get up at 7 to get here at 7:30 for work that starts at 9:00 and a class that starts at 3:00
that's crazy.
It's now less then a week until we close on our house and I am so anxious to move in already
I cannot wait to stop dealing with all the bullshit that is going on.
Also I just cannot stand living in the mess that I have right now it is just insane.
When we finally move we will be organized and neat
and all will be right in the world haha
I am slacking in my online class and it is so hard because all I have is the computer here at the school
and I am always running around doing other things it is so hard to get anything done for that class
the 27th we move in
the 28th I buy a desk, computer, printer and chair
that will be amazing!
I cannot wait.
Obviously haha
Oh and Tim bought me a new Essie which i did my nails last night and this color is the bomb for the fall time
it's called angora cardi it's like a maroon brown of sorts so pretty
Yeah so not a picture of my nails but it looks the same on me, love!! 

Moving!

So today marks one week until we close on the house!
You have NO IDEA how
Thrilled
I am!
We have no hot water, no food, no space and not positivity/happiness
at my house currently.
To take a shower I have to drive almost a half an hour to my moms.
Really. -______________-
Stale face worthy.
Also I have been bickering with my dad like every single day because he is constantly brooding over money issues and how he never sleeps and is sooo tired.
I can't take it anymore,
DO something about it!!
Also once we move,
Tim and I will be sharing an apartment, a room, a bed.
I just can't wait to take that next step
I am just hoping it is all we have been hoping for all this time.
I just want to pick myself up out of the negativity that house brings me and put me in a happy, calm place.
I swear this week and next week can NOT go by fast enough! 

Psychology Classes

So I am a psych major and I mean I have been deeply interested in it since the first time I stepped foot in a psych course in High school.
It was child psychology I think.
We talked about needs, wants, the ID Ego and Superego that sort of thing.
I took a more advanced class just regular psychology in junior year and I aced everything.
That was my field i just knew it.
Last semester I took my first college level psych class
and it was basic but it was awesome
I had a well experienced and funny professor the work was easy and I enjoyed it
SO
this semester I signed up for 3 psych classes:

• Group dynamics
• adolescent psych 
• psychology of learning

I cannot tell you enough how glad I am that I am taking them all.

Adolescent psych as you may have assumed is really helping me work through some unresolved issues from my childhood and whatnot and allowing me to understand why things went certain ways and yet continue to go those ways still and also my younger brother who is a junior in high school.

Group dynamics although centered around group work in schools and with your peers is also helping me survive in my family group and setting in my household which is also a constant struggle day in and out. It really helps you understand why people feel so awkward and what would help groups work and communicate more effectively together my family included.

Psych of learning which i had today really aid you in understanding where your behaviors come from and why you still may continue ones you don't want to keep and find it hard to adopt ones you would like to. Also it helps you understand others and how they can get so wrapped up in things and also that change is learning and vice versa and without your world constantly changing however that may suck, it is needed to move on in life, and I really respect that.

I have really come to the point in my life when I am understanding why people are the way they are and why I have been so hurt and also effected by those actions so much and how to deal with it in a positive way and I really urge you if anyone even reads this to take a look around you and challenge yourself to really understand others and why they act the way they do. All of our actions and decisions are a product of what we were taught and how we learned, I just so happened to be fortunate enough to learn from people's mistakes just by watching and not having to make those mistakes of my own. Although you may have read in my previous entries that I have made my share of mistakes and I am sure I won't stop anytime soon because that is sadly a part of life and growing up, but I am making a conscious decision to understand, relate and learn to change behaviors.

Study Abroad, rings(again) and Haircut!

Oh My God!
I may be going to LONDON!
I went to Greece and Rome this past summer I don't know if i mentioned it,
I probably have like a million times haha
anyways
This trip is Amazing!
It is with the dean of my college so I think it will be more up my alley, It's for my major and it's to go see
Stonehenge, Jane Austen's house and take a few classes at Oxford University!
OMG.
I really would love to go on this trip
I have to go see global studies later on next week and see what is going on price wise and if it is a consideration!
OMG, i'm excited can you tell?

It is just so amazing!
And If i do get the chance to do this i would be psyched out!
Anyways the other thing is that the rings that I was posting over and over and being so obsessed about...
HUGE
let down.
I actually tried some on and they seemed so flimsy and just ehhh
which i was so upset about.
Tim and I went to Jared and he went back with his mom and picked something out!!!
I can't believe that he actually knows the ring I will be wearing for the rest of my life.
I do know basically what it looks like and it is sooo much more simple then I originally wanted
but after seeing the solitaire ring in person and trying it on I do see how beautiful it is and how it is more about the actual diamond then anything else and I love that look and idea!
so basically it is going to be a round diamond and I actually know the carat weight is around .85 and that it is going to a plain white gold band with some type of diamond accents on the side profile of the ring. This is the one that I showed him that I really liked and he brought to Jared but they showed him something else and he said it is nothing I have seen before so I am excited that he picked it out!


So yeah I know that it is so plain as compared to the other ones that I was posting for so long but there is just such a beauty to this simplicity that I really do love it and the women totally had me as well by saying that you can easily dress it up with the wedding band that you choose which is so true!
And lastly I am thinking about getting my hair trimmed not too much cut off it is just
SO DEAD
and the sun and pool really took a toll. Well yeah talk to you soon!!

Sophmore status, engagement and online classes

So tomorrow starts my second year of college,
I seriously still cannot believe that!
I am starting my alcoholism certificate program this upcoming weekend
and all my classes are going towards my psychology degree
I am excited but nervous which really does surprise me
I am also off on mondays and fridays which is awesome so totally excited for that
OMG also this monday that just passed,
Tim went to the mall and of course i wasn't supossed to know but i did
and he went to pick out
THE RING.
seriously I cannot believe this is actually happening with us!!
I mean i can believe it i've been with the guy for almost 7 years
but still it's just so awesome.
and i also am taking an online research class sadly
ugh why do i do these things to myself haha

Lucky

okay so the first thing I have to address is how in this world did i get so lucky?
how did i get so lucky?
I just don't understand what I did to have this happen to me
but above all I am so greatful and i am so humbled
I have made mistakes in the past few years in my relationship.
I was texting another person inappropriatly when I shouldn't have
I felt desperate, lonely, insecure and unloved.
Although I was with my boyfriend for over 5 years we just seemed to be in a rut and not really making things work
I took advantage of a bad situation and the first thing that came around that seemed to be what I needed I was a part of it.
But then I realized that my boyfriend was trying and you know that age old saying?
Just because something doesn't love you the way you want them to it doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have
and that was the truth he was trying and i was just being a complete asshole
so I told this person goodbye and do not talk to me again
long story short my boyfriend found out about this nearly a year later and he was mad,
had all right to be
and when i was saying that we should probably take a break the whole nine
he was saying how it is in the past
it was a dumb mistake out of desperation and that the thought of living without me now is too much and worse then what had happened
I am in no way saying that what i did was jutified because it is not.
I am only saying thie entire thing to show how amazing and just all around perfect my boyfriend is.
Any time I have ever said I love you to anyone but him was a complete lie.
He is the only man that I have ever loved and will ever love the way that I do.
He is amazing and I could never go through life without him.
Seven years together next April and even with all of our issues and flaws I wouldn't have it any other way because we have gotten through so much and proved to ourselves and everyone else that sometimes accepting the bad with the good is worth it.
When he started dating this girl he barely knew after us being together for 2 years and just breaking it off randomly one day took a long time to get over but this past year as been so great and we are moving foward like I never knew that we would just yet.
Now, on a happier and better note of our realtionship!
He asked my dad for permission to ask me to marry him!
And after finding out all of that bull shit he proceeded to tell his mother and father too
I really just cannot believe that it is coming up so close and he is really thinking seriously about it!
I am really so excited and I think my mom and his mom are too
I am thinkng that he is going to propose on our orlando trip in January but I'm not too sure that would be cool
I just really love romance and I know that he is not good at that but he really tries and that is enough for me. That is all I ever wanted and what our realtionship was lacking
but we are totally back on track and have been for a while
I love him with all of my heart.

Rings!

So Tim and I have still been going back and fourth over rings and what we like and whatnot and really it has come down to four rings, one I recentley saw on instagram

So I love this one because it has the rose gold we both love and it looks so delicate and beautiful and yet simple from the top view

Then I love this one because it looks like a flower bud and it is classic

Then there is this one that has the rose gold accents but also has that shoulder wrap detail that is so unique and different

And I love this one because of the curvedness and lace look of it!

These three are just so breathtakingly beautiful and no matter what Tim chooses and I think that is what I love the most about these rings is that no matter which one it is, you just can't help but love it!

Summertime, Moving and Verragio

So we are moving soon and I mean it's soon...but not too soon
so I keep putting off packing because I mean really, whats the point when we have sooo much more time?
Yet when I look at the calendar it's really not all that much sadly
I mean at first I was upset to hear that our move in date has been moved back but then again it's really not all that bad, because I will have so much more time to save up some more money which is great
Tim and I didn't think that we would have enough to get the finishing touches that we wanted but really I think that we will now which makes me happier
But also I hate packing in the heat because it is so nice outside and I would rather be out doing something then sitting inside all day waiting for the sun to set to pack and whatever, so yeah another reason to put things off.
I have been going to the beach and the pool tanning and what not and that is what the summer is all about
I have also been working and making some money to get things for the apartment which is great too
Tim and I are so excited about moving in together and have been talking about getting engaged...
which I'm sure I mentioned in like every other blog so far hahah
Am I right?
we want to go to one jewler that carries verragio rings.
They are the most beautiful rings I have seen and I really hope he gets me one of those!
eeeeek so excited just thinking about it hahah
we have been to a few places to try on rings so far but none compare to this and I just want to try one on
and see how it looks and feels on me
ugh I love this
Here are some rings by the way I know I put Neil Lane up but these are it!

feet, houses and finals

okay so....
feet.
Mine hurt soooo so bad. I am just going to honestly cry.
I have so many cracks and such dry skin i want to cut them off.
If anyone knows anything about something that could help...
please let me know!!
I am doing a term paper in a few minutes which is somewhat of a final project for my psych 100
and i presented my final project for my soc class
god the semester is about to be over!
I cannot wait.
Tomorrow I have to work on my final project in poetry and that should be interesting to say the least.
Tomorrow we may be looking at our future house if we can ever get a hold of the owner and stuff
I am so anxious to see inside, it's killing me actually.
ugh just stressed!
:/

Moving, Study Abroad and rings

Hey! 
Happy Easter I know i haven't been on here in a long time..
oh wait. 
I ALWAYS say that haha 
But I mean I really haven't I have been so busy with school and work 
I mean I only do work study but it really is an actual part time job. 
I cooked today 
honey glazed ham, roasted potatoes, corn and homemade buns(HUGE FAIL) 
but I'll just try them again. 
Seriously my semester is only a little under three weeks left 
ummmm YES 
I really cannot wait for it to be over! 
Only counting the days I actually go to school it's only 10 days!! 
whoo 
I am so excited because my trip to Rome and Athens is coming so soon! 
May 15th :) 
This thursday I am getting all of my flight info and whatnot 
And also this week we are going to see our prospective house! 
We already have seen it twice but we have not seen the back apartment which is where my boyfriend and i would be staying 
as of right now there are people living there and it is super hard to get ahold of them 
I am a little nervous to be honest I don't know why I think it is all going to work out fine! 
It is so great though it is a detached two bedroom apartment with two bathrooms, a kitchen, living room and a second floor deck! 
OMG SO EXCITED. 
I am just excited to be sharing an apartment with Tim it is so great:)
We have been talking about it for some time now but we could never afford it but renting from my dad he only wants $800 which is awesome for that amount of space! 
Tim and I stopped talking about engagement rings because he bought me a promise ring which is so beautiful its a small diamond heart ring<3 so cute 
Although we agreed on two years maybe a little less then that. 
which is also super exciting! 
well yeah that is about it, maybe I will be back soon!! 
:) 

Spring Break, Nail Polish and Tattoos

So today is the last day home
and tomorrow is back to school...
back to 7:00 wake up times and 10 hour days
ugh oh well
the weather was so crappy the whole time I was off with the exception of like one day
And it is supposed to snow!
I cannot believe that to be honest.
So I didn't do anything that exciting like at all...I made dinner a few times, went thrifting, hung out with some old friends and yup that is all
oh so a few of my friends got tattoos this break!
I mean I do want one...but i'm too scared to!
I am just a huge baby when it comes to that stuff
If i ever get one I want the om symbol
basically it stands for life itself and everything that means, oneness with yourself and the world, humanity.
It is just the embodiment of me

And i love how this one looks like a brush stroke
I love everything about it...
but the pain it will cause me!
I have also been obsessed with essie nail polish!
there is just something about the bottles and how cute they look in color order I have 3 and 1/2 shelves filled on my nailpolish rack and it just looks great!
oh my god and for me and tim's anniversary he said he will get my my kitchenaid mixer!!
ahhh so excited! :D

They are just so cute and colorful!
:P whoo hoo!

Bunt cakes, menstrual issues and Spring Break

So right now I am just sitting in my kitchen watching my pistachio pudding bunt cakes in the oven
they are going to be so cute, why?
Because they are mini!!
I love anything mini actually haha
anyway basically it is a normal cake mix, a cup of club soda, pistachio pudding mix, four eggs and a 1/2 cup of oil
mix it all together, put it in a pan and...whala!!
So i've heard at least...
some I may put frosting on but i was thinking about just putting on some powdered sugar
umm what else?
Well tomorrow starts my spring break I mean technically I'm on it because I have off school every friday and today is Sunday so yeah..
but tomorrow starts it for real haha
the weather has been so bleh.
It has been cold and is supposed to rain I think and even snow which sucks so badly
I mean yesterday was soo pretty out!
It was about 60 and just great
but today went back into the 30's I mean tim and I still went to the water but it wasn't like yesterday
and I have had my period for over two weeks about now and it is just getting soo annoying
I just want it to go away already.
It's killing me
I mean it isn't the end of the world but it's just freaking me out.
I skip a few months then get slammed
ugh it just sucks..
anyways enough of my rambling
:P

HI

WOW!
two days in a row is it the Apocalypse or what?
I just hung out with Tim like all day
watching all of our missed shows and whatnot
I also did my computer programming work
thank god so that is over and done with!
I am about to get my stuff together to go out to my moms house.
I am just so sick and tired of being here or there.
It's getting so irritating being at my moms but coming home..
man that sucks so badly too.
I just come home to see Tim and that is it.
He is what makes me so happy and okay with my shitty household.
Once he moves out I really don't know what I am going to do to be honest.
I know that no one really wants to hear that..
mainly my dad but it is what it is and that's that
I just love being away and I cannot wait to have my own place
or a place with Tim
just to be away from everyone else would be so damn nice.
Well that is really it.
Bye:)

College, Rings and Nail polish

So it has been so long since I last updated you guys..
okay so maybe not TOO long but still a pretty long time.
about a month or so maybe more I don't know haha
anyway so..
MAY 15th i'm off to Rome and Greece!
it has been coming so fast i mean seriously where has this semester gone?
i feel like it just started and next weekend starts my spring break!
Thank God though i have been so exhausted and just worn out lately that I cannot wait to have some time off
another thing that has been happening is the idea of tim and i getting
Engaged!
I am really so excited<3
he actually took me to look at engagement rings yesterday at the mall!
he wanted to get some ideas and see what type of styles i preferred
which i think is so sweet
I love the Neil Lane collection
they are exacly what I love
some vintage and modern at the same time.
perfection
               
   They are all just so beautiful<3
I have literally been obsessed with weddings and engagements lately and i know i Really need to lay off.
It's just so hard.
Another thing I have utterly obsessed with with ESSIE
I love ebay for buying them I just got the whole lux effects collection for $20
i mean so what if they're open or someone has used them once or twice.
as long as they're not crusty or gross that's great!
I need to get the full summer collection soon all of those colors are just so beautiful! <3

and essie polish bottles are super cute too they look great on my shelf!
haha :P

Update!

Hey!
It's been sooo long since I last talked to you, It sucks actually that I have had no chance to do anything really.
College is sucking the life out of me and so is work,
I work in the technology building at my school just filing and what not,
but it's just alot of hours.
I basically moved in with my mom and I stay there all week monday to thursday
I do come home for the weekends and I get to see my boyfriend and my dog which is really nice.
Valentine's day was great I went to the Cheese cake factory and saw a movie with tim.
It was really nice.
I'm in Virginia right now for my grandpas wedding. So much stress.
Hopefully I will be back soon.