Spring Break

So this is it.
Today is the end.
UGH.
It went by so fast...
and what did i do all week?
Freak out over college, clean, homework...
nothing that great or exciting.
Well today is Easter and i am going to try and enjoy my last day of vacation,
even though I still have
Math extra credit
half of a book to read by Friday
a painting to work on
and cooking to do.
UGH.
Tomorrow is going to be good i hope.
Finally supposed to hear something from Stony Brook
and then maybe i can finally rest my mind.
I hope:)
Happy Easter everyone!

Stony Brook

I am still absolutely obessing over the decision.
I still haven't heard anything,
they say latest April 1st and today is March 28th...
I mean only a few more days right?
BUT
what if they never tell me anything??
I mean i am pretty sure just like everyone else that ill get in...
but why is it taking so long??
and why is it that i didn't get a rejection letter yet if i did get rejected?
ugh this is all too stressful for me!
and i have this workshop on april 5th at stony brook 'and i only signed up because i figured i could get another look at the campus i'd be going to
but for this thing i have to read a huge book i haven't started because i don't really want to go if i don't get in...
you know what i mean?
AND
april 7th is the admitted student thing for st. joseph's which i never even wanted to go there but i applied for the presidential scholarship
and ended up getting it.
UGHHHHH
too much stress over spring break.
this needs to stop.
now.

ugh hey there

it's been sooo long like over a month and a half i think.
i'm sorry I've been away for a while.
my laptop is messed up again and i'm just super stressed out!
I got  a presidential scholarship from St. Joseph's college and my counselors are pressuring me to take it
but i'm holding out for stony brook which is where i really want to go
but they won't let me know until the latest april first and i just feel like i've been waiting forever
and no word.
its killing me.
i just want to hear something! 
i don't feel like myself
i just feel so aggravated and irritated and on edge
once i find out i can make my decision.
but i haven't heard anything.
and i don't see why i wouldn't  get in but it's taking forever
and what if i don't.
i haven't really thought about that.
then i'll be going to St. Joseph's which i never even had on my list.
but the scholarship is awesome.
ugh i can't handle this stress.
everyone who applied regular admissions has found out already,
but not me of course.
the school i really want to go to hasn't said anything.
it's terrifying to me,
i really do want to go there.
i'm even looking forward to there 5 week boot camp over the summer.
just as long as i get in!
i'll definitely will keep you posted!
Bye
:/

High School

I don't really know what it is about those four years,
but for whatever reason everything seems to change.
People decide to "find themselves"
and become who they're meant to be or something.
I mean i guess i too went through that sort of thing but still...
and i just think like everyone feels that they are stuck in these molds or something they made for themselves at a younger age.
Like the dumb people can't be smart even if they actually are because that's be weird
and if you are a tom boy you can't come in the next day looking like a girl
or if you are a dork you can't all of a sudden act gangster or whatever...
I don't know
I just think it's sad in a way..
people are afraid to be who they want at a time when you're supposed to be experimenting and figuring out who you want to be.
Teenage years suck.

Relationship Issues...

So as you guys know I am with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now....
and i've recently (last two years or so) been having some doubts.
I don't know...I just feel unhappy.
our lives are uneventful.
He can't seem to hold a conversation without picking up one of his "toys"
(cell phone, hand held game ect.)
It's REALLY getting on my every last nerve.
The problem is I only seem to bring up this issue and whatever else that has been irking me when we get into a fight so i guess it seems as if i am just rattling off things that piss me off,
meanwhile i am legitimately bringing up something that annoys the shit out of me.
In a way i think i only want our relationship to work because of all the history we have...
and that is not worth anything.
I just feel neglected and forgotten about.
And he blames it on our living arrangements,
which i do agree is unconventional since we've been living together since i was in 8th grade.
But still....
He doesn't text me cute things anymore,
he doesn't call me when i'm at my moms house,
he doesn't write long messages in cards anymore...
I just feel like we have really lost something
and that something is what made our relationship worth wild.
It really saddens me,
i'm always mad at him
and he is always just so indifferent which makes me even more mad at him.
I just want to have a meaningful conversation,
a romantic evening....
something, you know?

Lazy Days

So the past few days have just been so lazy
I have just been laying around and doing whatever because i haven't been feeling too great.
But since I got my procedure I have been okay.
We ave watched so many movies
OMG seriously.
anyways right now we are putting on the three musketeers
I think I am going to watch despicable me again soon
I can't wait for the next one to come out.
Also I can't wait for the next spaghetti and meatballs movie to come out!
I have so much work to do for school and i haven't even sat down and looked at it yet which is so bad.
Oh well.
I had trouble sleeping last night, not because of pain though.
It was just the moon was so bright and I don't know just couldn't sleep.
So I am just sitting in the living room with everyone, not really into this movie, but whatever.
Ummmm well that's about it
:]

Surving

Hey,
Well I survived my surgery
It was relatively painless
the IV sucked and I started to freak out because she got blood on me.
I was asleep for the whole thing which was great.
I felt really light headed and sick to my stomach because of the anesthesia
but today I feel pretty good,
well my laptop is about to die sooo
bye
:D